Mommyhood 101
some rules of the road all of us spoiled-rotten-princesses should know before getting Kid Cards

1. Once becoming a mommy, you suddenly begin to see the world in Germ Vision, which is sort of like taking a black light and shining it on everything... see the bacteria? Who knew a lick from the dog could be so dangerous? You will buy a five gallon pump dispenser of antibacterial lotion, and keep a mini supply in your purse.
2. Once becoming a mommy, you will start to notice all the things about your own mother that make you want to drag your fingernails down a chalkboard. This happens sometime around month four or so of pregnancy. Unsolicited advice, frequent trips to your place to "help you catch up," on the laundry, her own system of organization for baby... etc. . (see #3)
3. Once becoming a mommy, post birth, you will begin to notice that your mom was right about certain things you were sure she was wrong and annoying about. (see #4)
4. Once becoming a mommy, you realize that you are started to act "just like your mom." This can mean many things, from the way you wash said laundry to the way you change a diaper. This continues until death.
5. Once becoming a mommy, you learn to love stretch marks. Or pay to have them surgically removed.
6. Once becoming a mommy, the doctor will tell you it should be six weeks before you have sex again. You will laugh outloud when he says this. Six weeks passes way too fast. Husband says it passes way too slow.
7. Once becoming a mommy, you will finally look like a woman. For real.
8. Once becoming a mommy, you will look at others your age who are single and have no children and remember that you have done something they haven't.
9. Once becoming a mommy, you become familiar with the term, "multi-tasking," and can do this without second thought. It now becomes possible for you to cook dinner, check homework, tie shoes, and knit all at the same time.
10. Once becoming a mommy, you will meet lots of new mommy friends. From McDonalds. (see #11)
11. You will meet them there on a weekly basis. Who knew? McDonalds becomes your Starbucks. (hint: coffee is cheaper)
12. Once becoming a mommy, the small stuff becomes very important. Tying shoelaces, walking, sitting up. You live for these moments.
13. Once becoming a mommy, you realize you can hear your child breathing at night... even though he's upstairs... or three doors down the hallway. (see #14)
14. This breathing sound is soothing. It puts you to sleep. Yet you will wake up at least four times to check to make sure he's still breathing. (see #15)
15. And even though he's sleeping soundly, you will wake him just to snuggle up with him.
16. Once becoming a mommy, you will see your husband as a different man.
17. You will start to offer the same kind of unsolicited advice to other pregnant mommies that annoyed you before you had you baby.
18. You will stop watching "A Baby Story," on TLC. It's true.
19. You will start watching and strangely enjoying Barney, Spongebob and the Teletubbies.
20. You will buy kids CD's for your car... and find yourself singing along with them.
21. You will cry when you leave her in Kindergarten for the first time. She will not.
22. You wil cry when he or she gets their first sunburn. And feel like the worlds worst mother.
23. You will begin to memorize story books.. and search out new authors for bedtime reading.
24. You will impose your fashion habits on them without even thinking about it. Until the day you realize she has more GAP jeans than you do. And then more shoes.
25. The 3.49 Pizza Buffet will become fine family dining.
26. You will lose a few close friends, because you can't stay out until 3AM anymore.
27. You will plan your day based around carpool time.
28. Storytime at the library becomes the highlight of your day.

.... more to come... :-)