Friday, August 15, 2003
Thursday, August 14, 2003
Today, I was asked from a non parent about the reasoning behind a mommy's constant shedding of tears at any milestone in their child's life. I thought about for a while... and this is what I decided.
"When I was a senior in high school (you know, back in the days when I THOUGHT I was fat)I was busy one day cleaning out my closet (um, also back in the days when I could have a brand new wardrobe every three weeks). My mom, much to my displeasure, was supervising the event. She asked me to save one pair of blue jeans. Annoyed, yet unwilling to have a long discussion about why, I shoved the jeans into a bottom drawer and simply forgot about them for a while.
As a young mother - I have reflected on the above question for some time. I had my first daughter when I was eighteen - unready to settle into the "title" of motherhood, I continued my fast paced lifestyle - social life, friends, etc. . My daughter, unable to be a little baby for long, was in tow for the entirety of this misspent time. I wanted her to grow up as quickly as possible... when she could roll over, I couldn't wait for her to sit up - when she could sit up, I wondered when she would walk - when she walked, I couldn't wait for her to run... when she could barely say "bye bye," I was already anticipating sentences.... always waiting on the next stage of her life - taking for granted the fact that possibly there would come a day when, alas - she might not need me anymore. I WAS her best friend, playmate, mentor, teacher, comfort, strength; her absolute everything - and, of course she was mine.
On Sarah Beth's first day of school... I kissed her goodbye and watched proudly as she quickly made friends in her classroom. However, after I left the room, and quietly shut the door - I sat in the hallway of her school and cried... suddenly reminded of the fact that someone else would now become her teacher - other playmates would now become best friends... where was my baby? I felt a little less "needed" that day.
This feeling - even though I think it's probably the same for mommies of all ages, is frightening, sad, and joyous all at the same time. These seem to be three emotions that jerk tears from women on any given occasion. Frightening because we realize that as the years pass and the situations change, the feeling of not being needed will only increase. Sad because we also realize that maybe as much as we've anticipated the milestones, now they are - and they won't stop to look back. And, of course joyous because we've worked tirelessly to get them to where they are.
Back to the blue jeans story.... I pulled this pair of jeans out a few months ago... and as I realized that perhaps maybe I wasn't all that fat in high school (dang, these are even a "slim" size) I was also reminded of more carefree days - when we were all innocent to the world - when our parents were dorks who knew nothing - and how much I have truly "grown" since I could wear these jeans... and, of course, my mom and I cried."
rachael
"When I was a senior in high school (you know, back in the days when I THOUGHT I was fat)I was busy one day cleaning out my closet (um, also back in the days when I could have a brand new wardrobe every three weeks). My mom, much to my displeasure, was supervising the event. She asked me to save one pair of blue jeans. Annoyed, yet unwilling to have a long discussion about why, I shoved the jeans into a bottom drawer and simply forgot about them for a while.
As a young mother - I have reflected on the above question for some time. I had my first daughter when I was eighteen - unready to settle into the "title" of motherhood, I continued my fast paced lifestyle - social life, friends, etc. . My daughter, unable to be a little baby for long, was in tow for the entirety of this misspent time. I wanted her to grow up as quickly as possible... when she could roll over, I couldn't wait for her to sit up - when she could sit up, I wondered when she would walk - when she walked, I couldn't wait for her to run... when she could barely say "bye bye," I was already anticipating sentences.... always waiting on the next stage of her life - taking for granted the fact that possibly there would come a day when, alas - she might not need me anymore. I WAS her best friend, playmate, mentor, teacher, comfort, strength; her absolute everything - and, of course she was mine.
On Sarah Beth's first day of school... I kissed her goodbye and watched proudly as she quickly made friends in her classroom. However, after I left the room, and quietly shut the door - I sat in the hallway of her school and cried... suddenly reminded of the fact that someone else would now become her teacher - other playmates would now become best friends... where was my baby? I felt a little less "needed" that day.
This feeling - even though I think it's probably the same for mommies of all ages, is frightening, sad, and joyous all at the same time. These seem to be three emotions that jerk tears from women on any given occasion. Frightening because we realize that as the years pass and the situations change, the feeling of not being needed will only increase. Sad because we also realize that maybe as much as we've anticipated the milestones, now they are - and they won't stop to look back. And, of course joyous because we've worked tirelessly to get them to where they are.
Back to the blue jeans story.... I pulled this pair of jeans out a few months ago... and as I realized that perhaps maybe I wasn't all that fat in high school (dang, these are even a "slim" size) I was also reminded of more carefree days - when we were all innocent to the world - when our parents were dorks who knew nothing - and how much I have truly "grown" since I could wear these jeans... and, of course, my mom and I cried."
rachael
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